The Moment Everything Changed

As I have spent the majority of my recent days and nights staring at Melanie's sweet little face, I've spent a lot of time thinking about her. I think about how perfect and beautiful she is. I worry about how to best take care of her. I wonder what kind of person she will become and the things she will do in her life. I think about the moment she was born.

I carried Melanie for 38 weeks. I thought about her all the time. I tried to imagine what she'd look like and what the moment of her birth would be like. Nothing I imagined was even close to what it was really like. As I was pushing there were several times when I almost panicked, wondering if I could do it. One time I even yelled out that I couldn't. Spencer and the nurses assured me that I could. Finally, that last push came and I heard her cry. They laid her on my stomach and all I could do was say "Oh my goodness!" over and over again.

All of a sudden, everything became real. It was like I never understood, through 9 months of pregnancy and 8 hours of labor, that my daughter was actually coming. Nothing has been the same since. She has only been here for 5 days, but I don't know how we lived without her before. I loved the years that Spencer and I had together with just the two of us, but now there is so much more. It's like Melanie created this huge space in my heart just so she could fill it. There wasn't empty space before, just more love now.

I am so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for her. And all these darn postpartum hormones make me cry whenever I think about it. It's a little embarrassing. We have been so blessed. Even though I am exhausted in every way, this week has been the most incredible one of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I knew that having a baby meant things would never be the same, but I didn't know that everything would change.