Temp Work

So last week or maybe the weekend before I applied to a temp agency in Orem (the one in Provo is just for construction-type jobs). Yesterday I went in for my interview/ to fill out all the paperwork. I wasn't really sure what to expect or how these things work, but basically I call in each day to see if there are any jobs for me. So, I called in this morning around 8:15, and they had a job for today. So I took it. Someone had called in sick or couldn't make it to work, so they were looking for a filler just for the day. They said they'd need me as soon as I could get there, so I got ready faster than I ever do, dropped spencer off at school, and headed to Orem.

I was a dishwasher at a bistro at Blendtec for the day. I wouldn't call it my dream job, that's for sure, but I'll do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay. Especially when that pay is $10.50 an hour.

I worked hard to keep up with all the dishes and to find where they belonged in the kitchen. I didn't have anyone else helping me, but the other employees said that I was keeping up better than their regulars usually do, so that's good. It was tiring to be on my feet all day, but I got a free lunch out of it. For lunch they said I could choose anything to make, and if I didn't know how to make it they'd make it for me. So I had a pizza and a cookie.

I can imagine a job like that being really awful if that's what you did every single day for 6 or 8 hours. For one day it wasn't too bad, though. Honestly, it was nice to know that at least I was making a little bit of money. Tomorrow I'll call in again and see what they have. Some jobs are just for a day, and some are for a couple weeks at a time.

As soon as I got done there, I went visiting teaching, and it was nice to see Becky and chat with her for a little bit. Then I had to run to pick up Spencer from BYU. Then we came home, finished off the lasagna I made last Sunday, and watched some Chuck together. Now there are some dishes, but that's the last thing I want to do, so I think I'll work on my independent study course instead. Today was a pretty good day. :)

Baby Heartbeat

So, we FINALLY got to hear our little one today! I had my first prenatal appointment! I went in, filled out the mountain of paperwork, and waited for my appointment. Of course they were running like 40 minutes behind schedule. I think we'll try to schedule them for the mornings from here on out. I realized how very blessed I have been health-wise as I was filling out the paperwork. I think it probably takes some people a whole lot longer to explain their personal and family medical histories.

Anyway, the appointment was good. I had to give urine and blood samples, and then the doctor asked if I had any questions. Not really, since we'll be moving before delivery anyway. Then we got to hear the heartbeat. :) It made me happy to hear that swooshing pitter patter (157 bpm). There's a TINY PERSON growing inside of me!! The doctor said she could hear the baby moving around, and apparently he/she (I just hate using it to refer to my baby) was wiggling enough that she had to find the heart beat again a little bit over from where she was listening. I can't wait until I can feel all that wiggling. AnnaMarie told me to have them take a listen around for a second one, but I thought I'd sound too silly, so I didn't.

When I got home Spencer reminded me that I could post it on facebook, so I did, and oh. my. goodness. So many people have liked and commented and been wonderfully supportive. So, thank you everyone. I feel so loved, and it kinda brought a tear to my eye.

This step into parenthood is life-changing already. It's so exciting, but a little bit terrifying. haha. I'm amazed that God is entrusting one of His little ones with us. The responsibility to teach and to nurture and to love is huge. I hope we can be everything this little person will need. I hope we will know how to support and love and encourage them. I kind of have the best parents in the world, so I'll try to take a page or two out of their book, but I guess we'll just have to figure it out as we go along. It'll be an adventure.

P.S. Right now the baby is about the size of a lemon. A few weeks ago when we told our families, I was talking with my 6-year-old niece Katie. She asked how the baby was doing and I told her the baby was about the size of a lime. She just said, "What? How could a baby even be that tiny?!" It was funny. AnnaMarie tried telling her that she used to be that small, but she wouldn't believe it for an instant.

P.P.S. The whole "crazy pregnancy dream" thing is totally true! Last night I had a dream that I was in the airport in Mexico and we were being picked up, and after a series of events and waiting for people, we were finally ready to go, when a volcano started erupting! I could see it out the window. And there were earthquakes. Then, suddenly we were all at the Bracket's house (my cousins) and a t-rex was trying to get us! We were hiding in the garage, but it was using it's head to rip through everything (because his arms were too tiny to help). It was all very strange, but I think the t-rex part came from this meme I saw on facebook yesterday.

Thanks again for all of your support and votes of confidence in our parenting abilities! 

We can't wait for September!!

In case you didn't notice from the not-so-subtle change to my blog heading, we're expecting a baby!! I have been absolutely bursting to share these fun pictures that James and Miranda took for us last Monday. :) So here they are! 

I wanted to take some so we'd have a cute way to announce it. Spencer humored me. :) Quite a few people know already, probably including everyone who reads my blog regularly. We have my first prenatal appointment tomorrow and as long as everything looks good and healthy, we'll announce to facebook afterwards. The appointment was supposed to be a few weeks ago, but Spencer ended up having that interview in Michigan the same day, so we rescheduled. 

I'm about 12.5 weeks along right now, so the first trimester is just about over. I'm feeling pretty good. I had a few weeks of nausea, and up until last week I had food aversions to basically everything. I didn't have much morning sickness (and when I did it was at night after I took my prenatal vitamins). The worst part of this whole thing is waking up in the middle of the night cramping up because I have to pee so badly. haha. So, I have been blessed with a very smooth and easy pregnancy so far. 

We are so excited to hear the heartbeat tomorrow. Oh, and my due date is September 4. :)

I know the shoes are boy's shoes, but DI didn't have any cute genderless ones. I love looking at those tiny shoes. :) I know babies don't even need shoes when they are that small, but I just love them! 

I just love these two of Spencer. :) 

I spend a lot of time lately thinking about the baby and pregnancy. It really brings a new perspective to things. Some of my thoughts:

I feel like we're going to have a girl. Spencer just kinda rolls his eyes at me because, obviously there's no way for me to know. It might just be a subconscious desire. haha. But, the more I think about it, the more I think having a boy would be fun. I'm not picking sides. Maybe subconsciously.

Sometimes I am sad that our baby won't meet Mom. And that Mom can't come stay with us to help out after I have the baby and show me how to be a good mom. However, I am very blessed to have so many wonderful women and sisters in my life that I know will help any way they can.

Some days thinking about actually have the baby really freaks me out, but other days I just feel empowered. Like, my body is made to do this, so of course it will be fine. I've been doing lots of research, but I'm anxious to find a delivery doctor to talk with once we move.

I can't wait to actually look pregnant. Right now I mostly feel like I look chubby.

Spencer's going to be an awesome dad. I'm almost more excited to see him as a dad than I am to be a mom. I feel like I can do anything with him helping me out.

Speaking of feeling like I can do anything, I'm seriously considering a doctorate physical therapy program again. I want to find a way to make it work. I don't know how, but I want to do it. I am glad that we chose not to pursue that last year, because we would not have made the decision to have a baby now, and I really feel like this is the right time for us to start our little family. However, the last few weeks I have really been thinking about it again. I'll probably apply this summer to the one program where we'll live, and hopefully start next fall when the baby's a year old.

I am so excited to start feeling the baby squirm and kick. :) I think it will make the pregnancy more real. It's all a little surreal right now, but I do feel like I've started to bond with the baby and I'd be heartbroken if anything happened. The way I envision my whole future is changing around this little one.

Sometimes I use the baby as an excuse to eat things just to see what Spencer will do. "That lasagna was for me. Now that baby wants some." Or, "The baby really wants some [insert snack or dessert here]." He just says too bad because we don't have any. I don't think he'll be making any midnight runs to get me random food any time soon. Or ever. It's probably better that way.

I refuse to buy anything baby-related until after we have moved.

I have been eating so much fruit lately. For a few weeks all I could even think about eating was fruit, dairy, and grilled cheese sandwiches. Spencer never complained about the lack of variety on our menu. I finally have been able to work meat back into my diet this last week, so we're back to mostly normal meals. Except chicken. Ew.

This Week

This week was good. I'm learning to be productive in new ways. I also took some naps. That was nice. Spencer had a busy week for schoolwork. He had a French paper due on Tuesday, so he basically spent all of the long weekend working on that. Then today he had a lab paper due (5 pages) for bacterial pathogenesis, tomorrow he has a midterm for the same class, and on Monday he has a not-so-rough draft of a 10 page research paper due for the same class. Really, who schedules due dates for two papers and a midterm all within 4 days? Anyway, he's been working really hard on that, which leaves me to myself.

I've done some cleaning, a little sewing, talked with family, yoga (once), and I've been trying to make better dinners. Oh, and I've also been working on an independent study course. I'm pretty much trying to use this time to work on some personal goals and projects that are always hanging around and being put on the back burner. Somehow, I get to the end of the day feeling very unproductive. Usually because I know I should be getting a lot more done than I actually do. Sometimes I take a nap instead of doing something more useful. Other times I just kind of space out and do nothing/ putts around on the internet. I wish I was more self-motivated. Maybe I'll try making a checklist for next week.

Last weekend I applied to a temp agency in Orem, and I have an interview with them next week. Hopefully I'll be able to get a little bit of work within a couple of weeks.

Next week we're supposed to hear about admissions decisions from Central Michigan and Wayne State! We're hoping for good news. Wayne state has a decisions date each month, and so far we have just kept hearing that his status (wait listed) has not changed. I'm personally hoping for Central Michigan. That may or may not have everything to do with the fact that it's not in Detroit. Finding housing in Detroit is a scary prospect to me. But I'll take good news from anyone!!

That's it for now. I'm going to bed.

Apparently I'm Done With School

I'm still kind of trying to process everything that has happened this week. I'm feeling happier and even though I feel a little bit like I've failed, I know that this was the best thing for me. This morning I went in for an appointment with the head academic advisor for my college. She informed me that she just received the changes to the Biology major that will be taking effect this fall. With those changes in mind, she has determined that I don't have to take any more classes. Cell Biology is going to be an elective course for the major and I have already fulfilled the elective requirements with other classes. So, I'm done! I am done with my bachelors in Biology from BYU, and I will receive my official diploma in April at graduation.

Wow.

I'm feeling so grateful and blessed right now. This week started with me wondering how on earth I was going to survive the rest of student teaching and how or when I'd be able to graduate if I quit the education program and changed my major. I was praying so hard for something to work out. Now I'm completely done with my undergraduate.

Because I don't have to take spring classes anymore, our summer plans can go back to how they were before. We're looking into our France trip for May again. We'll probably find a different apartment to rent since the owner we were going to rent from is probably annoyed at us for taking so long and then backing out on him. After our trip we'll plan on moving to the midwest, most likely lower Michigan. We're still waiting to hear from medical schools. I was going to go apply for jobs this afternoon, but now that I'd be working for less than 3 months, I won't be. I don't think I'd be able to find someone to hire me to begin with, but I also would feel rude putting them through the hiring and training process again so soon. So, I'm thinking hard about what I can be doing with my time now. I can finally get some of my sewing projects done and maybe read some books. I want to pick up my game on the home front and start making Spencer the kind of dinners he deserves. :) I will probably look into some community volunteer work, and I'm hoping to make friends with some of the stay at home moms in the ward and maybe hang out with them some days. It's like I'm just a stay at home... person now. So, so weird. I also might maybe take a trip back home to visit. We'll see what the plane ticket would cost. Phew. Life is crazy, but God has a plan for us. He's definitely been looking out for me this week!

By the way, Happy Valentine's Day. :) Spencer and I might go out for dinner or something, but we really don't have any special plans this year.

Change of Plans

Because I haven't really talked to a lot of people about this, this post needs a bit of an explanation. Student teaching was a really difficult experience for me. I understand all the theory behind good teaching and of course I know my science. I didn't mind actually teaching the lessons or thinking about ways students would understand it best. But for me, things like the attention to detail in planning, catching absent students or new students up, the late work, entering grades, the HUGE number of students who didn't do their simple homework assignment, (I could go on) were really, really hard. I wasn't good at it.

I've always kind of had the work ethic that I can do hard things and that even if you don't love what you are doing, you put in 100% of your effort. I was doing that with student teaching. I was doing everything I knew how to do to try to be a good teacher. And I was hating it. And I was miserable. And I was stressed out. I would come home and just be overwhelmed by all of these things that I needed to do or all of the things I knew I wasn't remembering to think about ahead of time. Spencer listened to me a lot, never getting annoyed or impatient, I might add. He hugged me and let me cry it out -- a lot. Seriously, he's the best.

Last week started out pretty rough, and then I thought things were going to get better. But then last night I just fell apart. It's like everything imploded and I was feeling like there is no way I could possibly struggle through another 2 months of this. I emailed my supervisor, and she said she would look into my options and we'd talk after our group meeting today. She told me that she was pulling me out of the classroom and the program.

She talked with the academic advisor for my college about what I would need to do to graduate in another major. One class. I just have to take cell biology, which is offered spring term, and I will be graduating in Biology. They must be making some major substitutions and things for me. I've taken a lot of classes, but they don't all sit in the Biology major. I'll still walk in April, but my diploma will be sent to me after spring term. When she told me I started crying with relief. (There have been a lot of tears lately.)

I have to admit that not being able to do something I set out to do is kind of a new experience for me. I tried so hard to be a good teacher, but I am just not a teacher. And that's okay. Part of me feels like a failure or a quitter, but the rest of me realizes that it would be stupid to torture myself with 2 more months of this. (Not to mention my cooperating teacher and the students.) I wish I would have known myself better or just listened to Dad a year and a half ago when I changed programs, but that's life. We learn and we grow. I did get a chance to learn more about myself and I learned a lot about the ways other people learn, and I think that will be something that makes me a better mom someday. Plus, I learned that I could do hard things like memorize lots of mammals and plants, even though I don't even like mammals or plants.

So, we have some changes. We won't be moving until the end of June. We're going to have to reschedule our France trip for later in the summer. (Thank goodness we haven't bought any tickets or things yet! We almost signed a rental deal with a deposit earlier this week.) I am now officially doing nothing, so tomorrow I'm going to spruce up my resume and set out to find a job. I'm glad we'll be able to meet our budget needs again, though! Spencer's thinking about trying to extend his official graduation through Spring so he can keep his job on campus for the extra time we'll be here. Nothing too drastic, but our summer will look a little different. Hopefully we'll hear about medical schools soon so we can know when that will be starting, too. Sometimes change is good, even when it's not what you expected.